The Icebreak Report

Spenders most likely to be in a relationship with another spender

Black Friday, named for retailers coming “into the black” with profits, is just one week away and there is no shortage of hype around this holiday for shoppers. USA Today reports on stores opening as early as 8pm on Thanksgiving day to lure buyers away from the turkey and through their doors. In an attempt to create more luxe shopping experiences, some stores are even offering free refreshments and reserved parking, reports the Wall Street Journal. The Washington Post also covered a slew of Black Friday apps based on giving shoppers a leg up on hitting the aisles.

But navigating all of these deals this time of year brings up a common issue between couples: the budget. This week The Better Business Bureau and MSN Money offer several tips on how to stick to a holiday budget. But what do you do if your partner has different spending and saving habits than you do? To see how these budget trends factored into relationships, we asked our users, “Are you a saver or a spender? How about your partner?”

Across the board, with no regard for age or relationship status, men and women were only separated by 1 to 3 points on spending and saving habits related to their partners; in other words, both sexes were relatively even, contrary to popular stereotypes of women as shoppers. 

Both groups were most likely to be in a relationship where they were both spenders, and least likely to be in a relationship where they were both savers. Both men and women were more likely to say that they were a spender with a partner who saved rather than vice versa. 

As women passed the 41-year old mark, they were more likely to be spenders overall, with one woman stating,

Both spenders.. Could die tomorrow… Why not enjoy life to its fullest!!

Women 25 to 32 years old were most likely to be in a relationship with another spender (36%), but as they got older became more likely to be savers. One woman in the 25-32 year old age range addressed the need to start saving more:

We are both spenders. I used to be a saver but idk what happened! We have to start saving up though, we both realize that.

Within that same age range, men were most likely to be spenders, and similar to women, men were also more likely to be savers as they got older.  However, as saver men got older, their likelihood of having a partner who was a spender dramatically increased. 

Based on relationship status, women who were married, engaged or in a domestic partnership were most likely overall to be spenders in a relationship with another spender (36%). Women who were dating were most likely to be spenders in a relationship with saver (31%).

Men who were dating were most likely to be spenders in a relationship with another spender (39%), whereas men in more serious relationships were equally savers or spenders with their opposites. 

Many couples believed that having one spender and one saver meant they balanced each other out. One man explained,

I’m a spender, my wife is the saver. Perfect combo to live happily and one day retire.

Couples who were both savers considered that to be one of the reasons their relationship worked, and couples who were both spenders cited the positive elements of enjoying life, and the negative elements of being broke. As one woman said, 

spender and spender. We’re screwed :) 

People in the survey also used colorful language to describe themselves or their partner and some of our favorites included:

• “I call my partner uptown”
• “a miracle worker”
• “cheapskate or belt-tightener”
• “Dyed-in-the-wool tightwads both”

For more ways to share perspectives with your partner, and for insight into a community of couples, check out theicebreak.com. Or, you can get our app to start connecting with your partner in a whole new way. 

Married women least accepting of exes as friends

This week, People magazine reported on Taylor Lautner, werewolf star of the hit Twilight series and his interview in December’s issue of Cosmopolitan.  On the subject of relationships with exes, he told the magazine, 

There’s no ex out there who I’m not friends with today […] and I’m extremely thankful for that.

Curious if the perspective of the 20-year-old superstar was indicative of current overall trends, we asked our users “Do you believe it’s OK to be friends with your exes?” and here were their responses.

Overall, with no consideration for age or relationship status, the numbers were relatively consistent for men and women, though women were 6% less likely than men to approve of exes as friends at all. Men were slightly more open to the possibility of friendship (by 4%), and also 3% more open to being friendly or cordial, which was specified as a step down from actual friendship.

The majority of those against the idea were quite passionate about how much they disapproved, with many responses beginning with “HELL NO” and “NOOOOOOOOOOOO.” For those who were open to friendship, they specified boundaries such as limited communication or group-only activities. One man set clear limits in his response:

It is ok. But that friendship should not ever infringe on your relationship and it should be transparent to your partner. IE he/she can read your messages or hear your conversations. 

Though overall, most women did not believe it was okay to be friends with an ex, those women who were accepting were often considerably positive: 

Yes. In fact, I’d say the way my husband embraces my past and present relationship with my ex makes me love my marriage more and more.

Both women and men in the 25-32 year old age range were the most likely to say it was okay being friends with a ex. 

For those who said “it depends on the ex,” there were several components to what determined a suitable ex-as-friend:

• If they had children together
• How long they were together
• If the ex respected the new partner
• If the previous relationship was purely sexual
• If there was any possibility of rekindling a spark
• How often they made contact
• How close or far away they lived

Based on relationship status, women who were married, engaged, or in a domestic partnership were the least accepting of exes as friends (45% said it was not okay), whereas men in dating relationships were most likely to say it was okay (39%).

Many people who wanted to be understanding and trusting also questioned the value of such a friendship. One woman in a domestic partnership stated:

I have mixed feelings on this topic. Trusting my partner is number one but I would be curious to know what my partner would want to gain from keeping in contact with her ex. It’s ultimately up to her but it definitely makes me uncomfortable.

And though we aren’t quite sure what to make of his response to the question, one man’s strategy was quite clear with this simple statement:

I’m gonna “bite my tongue to keep the peace” in our marriage.

For more ways to share perspectives with your partner, and for insight into a community of couples, check out theicebreak.com. Or, you can get our app to start connecting with your partner in a whole new way. 

Men less likely than women to believe in “The One”

After popular party holidays like Halloween, New Year’s Eve, or St. Patrick’s Day, local Craigslist Missed Connections boards fill with hopeful posts, each a message in a bottle cast into an ocean of potential partners. This Halloween week was no different, and both The Province and Denver Westword shared some of the best missed connections from all over Craigslist.  

These boards where people can anonymously broadcast a meaningful encounter with a stranger are very popular for a lot of reasons. They allow for shy people to get a second chance at a conversation, they can overcome circumstances like subway doors closing too quickly, and they play heavily on the hopes and fears of finding but then missing “The One.” In an effort to find out some perspectives on “The One,” we asked our users, “Do you believe in “the one,” or the “right one at the right time”?”

Across age groups and relationship statuses, both men and women believed in the concept of “The One” by a considerable margin, with women 10% more likely than men. Considering the right timing, with the potential for more than one “One,” came in second for women at 19% and third for men at 16%. Second amongst men was “neither” and they were over three times more likely than women (18% to 5% respectively) to say they didn’t believe in any concept of The One. 

People who said “neither” cited statistical improbabilities, historical small towns with long-lasting marriages, the reality check of divorce, and even “arrogance” at the idea that there could be only one. 

Broken out by age, women were relatively consistent with the overall numbers, though the 33-40 year age group were the most likely (14%) to not believe at all in the concept of The One. 

One woman who believed it was a little of both answered the following:

Both. I believe you have multiple “ones” and the ones you meet at the wrong time are still special and still change you and you are still in love and will love them forever it just doesn’t work. Then when you meet the right one at the right time you can fall in to place.

Broken out by age, men across the board were less likely than women to believe in The One at all, but the most likely age group to believe in the idea were the 25 to 32 year olds.  One man circled around a few perspectives in his response:

I’m not sure. I think believing in the one narrows your search; where as the right one at the right time is kind of this “why not” approach. so neither. I think it takes a lot of time to discover everything about someone and still you’ll only be scratching the surface. I’m open minded.

Based on relationship status, women in serious relationships were the most likely to believe in The One (60%), whereas women who were dating were most likely to believe in “right one at right time” (24%). Dating men were least likely to believe in either concept (19%). 

And one of our favorite answers, which was unlike any other response in the survey, was the following:

Neither!!    It’s not about having the right spouse, it’s all about BEING THE RIGHT SPOUSE, regardless of whether you think you have the right spouse or not. It’s about you, not them. 

For more ways to share perspectives with your partner, and for insight into a community of couples, check out theicebreak.com. Or, you can get our app to start connecting with your partner in a whole new way. 

Men less likely than women to want the truth about an affair

Last week, we looked at how often someone would tell a friend that their partner was having an affair; we learned that amongst Icebreak users, married women were least likely to tell the truth to a friend. This week we took the next step in the survey to find out who would want to know themselves about a potential cheating partner.  

Across the board with no consideration for age or relationship status, 79.6% of women and 77.8% of men said that they wanted to know if their partner were having an affair. Several users (4.8% of men and 3.8% of women) chose not to answer the question directly, but specifically answered the question with some variation of “that never would happen.” For those who specified that they did not want to know, men overall would choose not to know more often than women (9.6% of men versus 6.7% of women). 

19.4% of women were unsure if they wanted to know, or said that knowing depended on the situation. For several women, an affair that happened in the past or was a one-time thing was not something they wanted to know about; however those same women would want to know about something currently happening or long-term.  

Women in the 33-40 year old range were the least likely to want to know about an affair, whereas women 41-60 were the most likely to be unsure or take into consideration the situation. 

Men in the 25-32 year range were more likely than any group of either sex to want a definite answer (88.9%). Additionally, men 33-40 years old were most likely to be unsure or consider the situation before wanting to know (16.7%). 

Based on relationship status, men in dating relationships were least likely to want to know if their partner were cheating (12.5% said no) whereas married women were most likely to be unsure or consider the circumstances (10.8%). 

Amongst those who specified they would leave a cheating partner, married women were least likely to leave their spouse (~16%), and dating men were most likely to leave their partner (25%).  Married men and dating women who would definitely leave their partner were both around 21%. 

Recurring comments on the subject of a cheating partner included:

• Concerns over sexually transmitted diseases
• Not wanting to “live a lie”
• Going to jail or prison
• Cutting off body parts

And for some levity, one of our favorite quotes from a user was that he wanted to know if his partner was cheating, but

Only during scrabble

For more ways to share perspectives with your partner, and for insight into a community of couples, check out theicebreak.com. Or, you can get our app to start connecting with your partner in a whole new way. 

Married women least likely to tell a friend their partner is cheating on them